Tips & Advice

From Dr. Liz Herself

January 22, 2016
“You’re Only Old Once!”
Happy Old Woman

Did you think I forgot

To send you my blog?

My brain got too busy,

And into some fog.

It got kinda late

But it is still Friday!

Hope you had as much fun

As I did on my day J

 

It will be very soon

When I’m video blogging

That I read you it all

While your glog you are glogging.

 

Seuss is for kids!

You say with a start.

But laughs are for all

And they’re good for your heart.

 

Enjoy! – Dr. Liz

 

(Our story begins with our hero in the doctor’s waiting room …)

 

One day you will read

in the National Geographic

of a faraway land

with no smelly bad traffic.

 

In those green-pastured mountains

of Fotta-fa-Zee

everybody feels fine at a hundred and three

‘cause the air that they breathe

is potassium-free

and because they chew nuts

from the Tutt-a-Tutt tree.

This gives strength to their teeth,

It gives length to their hair,

And they live without doctors,

With nary a care.

 

And you’ll find yourself wishing that you were out there

In Fotta-fa-Zee and not here in this chair

In the Golden Years Clinic on Century Square

For Spleen Readjustment and Muffler Repair.

 

Just why are you here?

You’re not feeling your best…

You’ve come in for

An Eyesight and Solvency Test.

(After our hero undergoes a large quantity of funny tests and being “ogled” up and down by those ogling doctors, he is prescribed his medications…)

For your Pill Drill you’ll go to Room Six Sixty-three,

Where a voice will instruct you, “Repeat after me…

 

This small white pill is what I munch

at breakfast and right after lunch.

I take the pill that’s kelly green

before each meal and in between.

These loganberry colored pills

I take for early morning chills.

I take the pill with zebra stripes

to cure my early evening gripes.

These orange-tinted ones, of course,

I take to cure my charley horse.

 

I take three blues at half past eight

to slow my exhalation rate.

On alternate nights at nine p.m.

I swallow pinkies. Four of them.

The reds, which make my eyebrows strong,

I eat like popcorn all day long.

The speckled browns are what I keep

beside my bed to help me sleep.

This long flat one is what I take

if I should die before I wake.”

 

When at last we are sure

you’ve been properly pilled,

then a few paper forms

must be properly filled

so that you and your heirs

may be properly billed.

 

Whereupon…

If you’re smart,

there’s a very good chance

that you’ll meet soon again

with your socks, coat, and pants.

 

And you’ll know

once your necktie’s

back under your chin

and Norval has waved you

Godspeed with his fin,

you’re in pretty good shape

for the shape you are in!

 

(If only our hero had heard about bioidentical hormones sooner!)

 

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